The unholy mirror

By Mary N. 

The Broken Mirror by Greuze (Wikimedia Commons)

When I write about healing in my posts I am usually talking about spiritual healing. Physical healing is wonderful but many times it's simply the byproduct of a much deeper inner healing. Sometimes we block God's healing - in my own life one of the greatest stumbling blocks to healing was and is myself. As this stumbling block is moved out of the way the spiritual healing my soul needs has sped up.

One of the more common stumbling blocks to healing is self-hatred. The wrong kind of self-hatred. We aren't talking about the self-hatred the saints speak about here that's aimed at the false self. We're talking about a very real hatred/dislike of oneself. And it comes about through looking at yourself in an unholy mirror.

What is this unholy mirror?


Continue reading at Mary's blog The Beautiful Gate.

The problem with passivity

By Mary N.

Reclining Lady with a Fan by Pagliani (Wikimedia Commons)

One of the spiritual difficulties I've struggled with over the years and still battle against is passivity. The problem with passivity is that it can look so good on the surface but it can keep you from taking direct action to solve a problem. This excessive passivity sometimes excuses itself under the guise of "surrendering things to God". It talks about problems but struggles when it's time to take action because it is apathetic and doesn't really want to disturb itself or because it is overwhelmed and doesn't know where to start.

So, what exactly is passivity? And why is it such a negative thing at times? 

The Free Dictionary defines passivity as:
The condition or quality of being passive; inactivity, quiescence, or submissiveness. Some of its synonyms are: spiritlessness, numbness, apathy, indifference.

 Submissiveness doesn't sound too bad, right?

Well, it all depends on who or what you are submitting yourself to. We can sometimes fool ourselves into thinking that we are "turning the other cheek" when the truth may be that we don't want to get ourselves involved in a difficult situation. Satan happens to love inertia. He can create a little @#!*% for families or a nation just by convincing people that passivity is a good thing through things like:

"It's best not to disturb the waters because it may start a fight."
                                   and
"If I just leave the situation alone it will resolve itself."
                                    or
"One person can't make a difference anyway. What's the point in trying?"


Continue reading at Mary's blog The Beautiful Gate.

Thank God for actual graces

By Mary N.

Pope Felix Present the Church to Cosmas and Damian
(Wikimedia Commons)

When praying to the Lord I often request "actual graces". This is the term used for the special grace God gives to perform a particular task and I've noticed that when I pray for these "actual graces" God always grants them as long as I am praying in accord with His Will for me and with regard to my station in life. As far as I can tell, He has never refused this request though it is quite likely that I have failed to respond to them fully when given. Actual grace is a bit different than sanctifying grace.

I like to think of actual grace as "the grace of the present moment". Since I am not a a theologian I realize that this definition is a bit off so here (and here) are more precise explanations of actual grace and the help it provides us. These special graces are given to us to help us, in a supernatural way, complete a task God is asking of us. He gives us "a leg up" so to speak. They are temporary and not to be confused with sanctifying grace, the grace which communicates supernatural life into the soul at baptism.

I have noticed in my own life that the more often I ask for and respond to "actual grace" the more I get. God is generous in his giving. I call it the "grace of the present moment" because it is in the present that I receive this help from God. Certainly, I can pray for the "actual grace" to accomplish an important task tomorrow but I don't receive the special grace until the precise time it is needed.

There is a certain purity attached to the present moment. Each new day becomes a clean slate to write on. What we write on this slate is up to us. The term "present" has not gone unnoticed by me and as we unwrap the gift of today may we remember to treasure this gift, ask for the grace to live it well and give thanks because the gift tag contains the signature of the Almighty God.

"This is the day the Lord has made;  let us rejoice in it and be glad!"     Psalm  118:24


Mary N. blogs at The Beautiful Gate.

The Dark Corners of Our Hearts

By Mary N.

Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons.

Indeed, the word of God is living and effective, sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating even between soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and able to discern reflections and thoughts of the heart. No creature is concealed from him, but everything is naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must render an account."   Heb. 4:12,13

Purification. A word that sets me trembling if I'm being honest. I like it... but hate it. I'm glad God cares enough about us to do this for us... though I have to admit that it is painful at times. Especially when He is dredging up the muck from the unconscious mind, the "stuff" that's below our immediate level of awareness.

It goes something like this:

God will pour light on certain unconscious behavior patterns, you begin to realize WHY you have been acting in certain ways for most of your life and you wonder "why wasn't this obvious to me" before now.

Everything becomes clear as a bell. It was hidden from you until now.

And it's a long, slow process. Most of the time, at least.

Years ago, when God first began to do this work in me, I was very resistant to it because I didn't understand what was going on. Was I really relating to others through the lens of the past? Through the scars of my upbringing?


Continue reading on Mary's blog The Beautiful Gate.

Spiritual gifts that are much needed today

By Mary N.


 

Happy Christmas by Viggo (photo credit: Wikimedia Commons).

It's no great secret to those of you who read my blog posts that I believe we live in "spiritually" critical times. I also believe that each and every one of us, though some may be as yet unaware of them, have special gifts from the Lord that can be a great help today in leading people back to the Lord and these gifts include charisms. Over the years, I have heard it said that these "charismatic gifts of the Holy Spirit" are no longer necessary - that they were only for the early Church in order to better spread the Good News of Jesus Christ and add to the community of believers...but this is absolutely untrue. Not only is it untrue but this false statement is detrimental to Christianity in this day and age.

The Holy Spirit is working harder than ever to bring people to Christ. Some of the reasons that we don't see the more obvious manifestations of these gifts of the Holy Spirit today and why some believe they haven't received any of these gifts may be due to:

- a lack of faith
- blockages in the spirit (this may be because we may need to forgive others...or even ourselves)
- unconfessed sin
- sinful patterns of living
- a lack of understanding the immense power of God
- a reliance on human understanding
- a lack of charity
- a refusal (can be an "unconscious" refusal) of the gifts due to false humility or because of inner    wounds that need healing


Continue reading at Mary's blog The Beautiful Gate.

Don't crack open the door to the devil

 By Mary N.

The Vine Dresser and the Fig Tree by Tissot
(photo credit: Wikimedia Commons).

Ever have days when you feel as if you are trudging through deep water?  And you wish the day would hurry up and be finished already?

Well, it happens to me. Over the years, I've learned to recognize the patterns of thought that bring it about and how Satan uses it to oppress me. As aware as I am of what brings about the oppression on these days I have to admit that I sometimes wallow in it for a while.

Call it self-pity if you will.

Let's use insomnia as an example since this is a problem for a number of people, including me. I'll have a sleepless night and feel "foggy", tired, and irritable by 7:00 in the morning. Since we are physical as well as spiritual beings, in prances "Old Slewfoot" determined to get a foothold into my day.

And it always starts with the mind.

 If you can overcome these attacks quickly you have a good chance of having a smooth day. If you don't put them down quickly? Well, things will probably just spiral downwards from there.

Usually I am the one who starts the mess with an internal dialogue that might go something like this:

"Oh, how am I going to get through the day? I'm exhausted and of course it's a work day!" (You can fill in things other than work - the point is that we sometimes set ourselves up for bad days.)

"Why can't I sleep normally like other people? Great, just great!  I really needed a good night's sleep, too. Oh well! Another day of walking around in a daze I guess!" (I say this to myself but sometimes secretly wonder if I'm really announcing my displeasure to God. After all, I already know I'm tired so there would be no point in mentioning it to myself, right? Think along the lines of telling others all about your exhaustion to elicit sympathy from them...lol)
                 
If I let thoughts like these fester instead of ripping them out I can almost guarantee that they will get worse:

"I look haggard! Sheesh! Look at those dark circles! And to top it off my head is pounding. I can't go to work like this!"


Continue reading at Mary's blog The Beautiful Gate.

The saint maker

By Mary N.

Painting by Willem Joseph Laquy - credit Wikimedia Commons

God is determined to make saints out of us. And believe me, He has an endless supply of saint making material and most of these materials are other people. If you ask God for a particular virtue you will get plenty of chances to practice said virtue.

For instance, did you ever notice that when you ask God to increase your patience, everyone, and I mean everyone, wakes up grouchy the following morning? Including the cat? You wonder who stole your family and replaced them with the sour-faced aliens glaring at you across the breakfast table. Let the games begin.

 I won't tell even you what happened after I prayed the Litany of Humility by Cardinal Merry Del Val but let me assure you that it wasn't pretty and involved a sick person, a clothespin, and a ton of scrubbing in the ladies room at church. And that was just the morning.

Did I mention that I only prayed the prayer once? I planned to pray it regularly, I really did, but I'm still recovering from the first time. I figure a year or two should do the trick.  I really DO want humility just not quite yet.




Continue reading at Mary's blog The Beautiful Gate.

Need or greed?

By Mary N. 

The Miser by Maria Fyodorovna (photo credit: Wikimedia Commons).

Sin prevents us from knowing God as much as we should.The more we are purged of sin the more we come to know God and ourselves. We are always being purged and healed, each and every day, provided that we cooperate with God's graces. However, this cooperation is key. Without it, our souls stagnate and eventually backslide. A person cannot stay in one place spiritually, we either move forward or backward. Responding to the graces God gives us is crucial. He knows the condition of our souls far better than we do and guides us in the areas where we need to progress. And what constitutes progress? Simply this...growth in virtues. If we see this growth we know we are progressing.

Sins often "ride upon the back" of other sins so it's useful to understand which deadly sin is the "kingpin" in your life and tackle it in a powerful way because when you overcome one that's a  troublemaker for you it makes it easier to overcome other sins.  Sort of like knocking the front pin down in bowling - if you hit it just right it will take down others with it.

One of the deadly sins that seems to be a particular problem for many people these days is greed.

Most of us live in a time and place where it's difficult NOT to be greedy. We live in a society that breeds discontent. Companies promote a "must have" mentality through their advertising and sales tactics. What used to be "wants" have become "needs" and people are often judged today by what they have rather than who they are.  While there is nothing wrong with having a few extras, do we really improve the quality of our lives when we add the "latest, greatest, thing" to our households? Or are we trying to distract ourselves in some way?

What might we be hiding behind the sin of greed?


Continue reading at Mary's blog The Beautiful Gate.

Humility: God's anesthesia

By Mary N. 

Madonna of Humility by Domenico di Bartolo (photo credit: Wikipedia).

God has been very good to me. Unfortunately, I have to admit that at times I have the bad habit of focusing on my flaws instead of God's mercy and kindness. Do I really think that my human imperfections matter more than the greatness of the Lord? No, but it can be easy for me to get caught up in this negative type of introspection.

Every flaw looks magnified when inspected up close.

The world becomes a very small place indeed when we focus on ourselves to this degree.  I know better than this but still catch myself doing it. There's nothing that imprisons a person as much as being overly preoccupied with yourself does. When it comes to spiritual matters, self-absorption is downright dangerous.

I'm quite sure we impede the work of the Holy Spirit when we worry about our spiritual progress. It's as if we were saying to the Lord, "I can't trust you with my sanctification. I am worried about my holiness because I don't quite believe you are powerful or loving enough to take care of this for me." Or perhaps we think He'll let us down and that we won't reach the impossibly high standards of holiness that we set up for ourselves with our fallen natures that (of course) know better than God what holiness is.

 In other words...

 ...I am  convinced that our own idea of holiness and God's are different. Very different.

Sooner or later everyone must get rid of the false gods they have set up for themselves...and the most difficult one to boot off the throne is the god of self. It's been a problem since the Garden of Eden and is no less of one today. The apple doesn't fall far from tree. Those who think they have escaped this aspect of the fall of man are deceiving themselves. The saints didn't think they were saints; they understood the depths of their fallen nature and their total dependence on God's mercy. They knew they were sinners in deep need of salvation. Once self has been kicked off the throne it becomes very clear that this is true in our own lives as well. One of the biggest obstacles to becoming a saint is thinking you are one already. The humble KNOW they are sinners but this doesn't bother them to a great degree because:


Continue reading at  The Beautiful Gate.

The sad face of envy

by Mary N.

Portrait of the Artist's Mother by Reni (photo credit: Wikimedia Commons).

As a moth gnaws a garment, so doth envy consume a man.
                                            St. John Chrysostom


St. Thomas Aquinas defines the capital sin of envy as "sorrow at another's good". No wonder very few people admit to envy... even the definition sounds terrible. It's hard to believe we actually may become sorrowful when good things happen to others, or if others have special gifts and talents, but most of us have been here at some point. As a child and young adult I remember envying others a lot. I would actually feel sad and wish that they did not have the gifts they had. Envy is one of the first things that God worked out of me and he did this by showing me his love. Once we understand the greatness of God's love for us envy tends to fall by the wayside because we understand the one true need in our life is God himself and that this gift is given to everyone without exception.

Many of the seven deadly sins are fear based and envy is one of these. The problem with envy is that it is completely lacking in charity. It not only sorrows because someone else has been blessed in some way, it wishes the person had not received the gift or blessing. It  may even wish ill on others. I started this post with the quote from St. John Chrysostom because of the truth it contains... envy consumes a person from within if it is not stopped in its tracks.

Envy is a sin against charity. Love seeks good for others, envy the opposite. One common sign that envy is at play is when you hear someone praise a person and then proceed to rip them apart. For instance:

"Don't you just love Mabel?! She is so talented! Still, it's just terrible that she doesn't know how to keep those children of hers in line. As smart as she is you would think that her mothering skills would be better. And did you see that AWFUL dress she wore to the wedding? It matched that plaid sofa she's got in her living room! Bless her heart! That woman has no taste...(yap, yap, yap)." The conversation goes on and by the end it is clear that Mabel is one slothful/ugly/mean/crazy/ungrateful, but don't forget talented, woman in the eyes of the speaker. Gossip often has its roots in envy.


Continue reading at Mary's blog   The Beautiful Gate.

Tools for emotional healing

by Mary N.

Christ Healing the Mother-in-law of Simon Peter by John Bridges (Photo: Wikimedia Commons).

God wants to heal us. If there is one thing I've learned over the years it is that God desires to heal us more than we desire it ourselves. Christ came to heal the wounds of sin and this healing begins in time. That may seem pretty obvious to many but you'd be surprised at what I hear at times. One of the oddest is that we aren't healed until we reach Heaven. Yes, I've heard this statement a few times too often. Until that time we are left to our own devices. When I think about it I realize that this type of thinking makes God seem...well...

...stingy.

 As if He withholds healing and grace at whim depending on his mood that day.

Yikes!

That sounds more like us, if you ask me.

Many times we are blocking the healing in some way. We may not like to hear that we still have a lot of inner work that needs to be done.

Pride may be a factor.

We are impatient and want God to heal us instantly but very often we need to learn things about ourselves first. What if He gave you an enormous healing but because you have certain patterns of behavior or thinking that aren't healthy you end up right back where you started? Wouldn't that be worst? God wants to heal us...but He wants it to stick.

God's not going to heal an area that you refuse to let Him touch so the first thing to do is to invite Him into the area you are asking Him to heal. A simple prayer like this is fine:

Jesus, I am in deep need of emotional healing and I ask you to begin to bring healing to this area of my life. Today, I place my emotions under your gentle mastery and I  place my trust in your healing love.

Here are some things to consider:

~ Naming your emotions - This is very important for those who have suppressed their emotions for years.   The first step in naming your emotions isn't so much getting this right as it is becoming aware that you have emotions...and very strong ones at that.

~ Feeling these emotions and bringing them  to God in prayer. If I cannot do this during the course of the  day then I do it at bedtime when I go over my day with the Lord.

~Pay attention to your emotional responses to others. Years ago, the Lord made me aware that I sometimes used my emotions to manipulate others instead of speaking clearly and addressing the problem.

~ Many of us were taught that certain emotions were sinful and this is why we suppressed them. Though our brain may tell us it's ridiculous, we automatically feel guilt when we become angry. If you look back  into your earlier years you may find that this is a conditioned response. Anger in itself is not a sin - it's what you do with the anger that becomes the problem (taking it out on others, sitting and stewing in it).



Continue reading at Mary's blog  The Beautiful Gate

The Finger of God

by Mary N. 

Creation of Adam, detail, by Michelangelo (Photo Credit: Wikimedia),

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts become troubled or afraid." John 14:27


I've been meditating on this verse from John for many years now. When God first drew me back to himself I used to beg and plead for his peace daily. God would give it to me but I would lose it again easily as the cares and anxieties of the world set back in.

The Lord's peace... oh, how I craved this. The finger of God upon my heart always.

This is the precious gift I've longed for my entire life...this peace that surpasses all understanding. I reached for it but it kept slipping through my fingers. I could not grasp it, I leaked grace like a broken vessel. Because I was (and am) a broken vessel.

I didn't know that God especially treasures broken things. That He tossed aside his crown and came down to earth to save what was broken.

I didn't understand that He gave his peace to broken men.

 God wants us to have peace during our earthly journey. When Jesus gave his peace to his disciples they were far from perfect so this peace isn't dependent on your "idea of perfection". No, this peace flows from the understanding that God loves us dearly. It's a gift to his beloved sons and daughters. He treasures each and every one of us and knows who we are and who He created us to be. In order to trust in God's picture of us, we first need to throw out all the false pictures that others have painted for us over the years. And the ones we have painted for ourselves.

Continue reading at Mary's blog The Beautiful Gate.

One plus God

by Mary N.

Charity  by Bartolomeo Schedoni (Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons).

We look around the world today and think how crazy the world seems. It can be overwhelming to  realize what we are up against these days:

 "What's the point? What difference can just one person make anyway?"

Have you ever heard these words spoken to you? Or spoken them yourself perhaps?

I have heard them too many times to count over the years and I've even heard them come out of my own mouth now and then.

The problem with this type of mindset is that it sets us up to lose before we've even begun. Imagine if the saints thought like this? All we need to do is look at what Mother Teresa did during the span of her lifetime and we can see that she did not allow herself to fall prey to this kind of thinking. One person can make a huge difference if God is in the equation. Think of what each of these people accomplished during their lifetimes:

Moses + God = the liberation of an enslaved people

Mother Mary + God = the salvation of the entire human race

 Peter + God = the birth of the Church

We cannot say, "Yeah, but they were saints!" Moses was not a saint - he killed a man. St. Peter  was simply a fisherman - a fisherman who denied Christ three times.

I love this example:  Therese + God = Doctor of the Church... with millions following her "little way" and she accomplished all this without ever leaving the convent or its grounds. (How's that for amazing?)

So never ask yourself what you can do.

Ask yourself what you + God can do.


    Originally posted at Mary N.'s wonderful blog The Beautiful Gate. Please visit her blog for more inspiration.